I was just listening to the A Beautiful Mess podcast episode about Pandemic Pivots and I had to shut it off, I was feeling too sad for myself. In the episode they talk about good or bad, 2020 will have brought major changes to your life. Elsie and Emma read aloud listener supplied big life changes that have happened.
Earlier this year when the pandemic started spreading and becoming more of a concern, I thought how this could actually really shake up my life, something I have been needing for a while. When the state of Illinois issued the Shelter In Place order I thought “HERE IT IS, IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!” Something big is about to happen, but what happened? Nothing. When all non-essential workers were ordered to stay at home (whether that meant they were able to work from home or were furloughed or lost their job) THIS graphic-designer was deemed “ESSENTIAL” and work resumed as usual. As soon as I heard the governor listing essential employees as Health Care workers, Grocery employees and the News Media, I knew that meant my job in the print industry would remain untouched. I continued (and still continue) to clock in at work full time as usual. Matt was furloughed from his unionized job as a car hauler and was home for over 4 months, while I still went to work.
During the ABM podcast they shared stories of how people’s lives were shifted when everyone was suddenly sheltering in place. There were cases of international adoptions that were in process and ground to a halt. Can you imagine having a baby in another country and then not being able to get them? The thing that made me have to shut if off though was the story of couples sheltering in place and finally having ALL the time and opportunity to start BIG projects; things that usually remain dreams because there never comes a time when people just have all the time in the world, never that is until 2020.
How do I put it? Having a job and still going to work (being surrounded by people who don’t wear masks) when every other person you know is getting to stay at home. Even pre-pandemic our house is covered with artwork and signs everywhere that say “Let’s stay home.” It’s a life motto. It’s like your whole entire class gets sent to the principal’s office except for you. On one hand it’s good that you don’t have to go the principal’s office, but now you are all by yourself, and you get to see all the kids goofing off in detention together, but you can’t be a part of that. Nope, you get to be in class and continue to do the same ol’ homework you’ve been doing for 20+ years.
It’s especially weird after being in such a dry spell last year and going into 2020 SO EXCITED to finally be creative and productive! It’s a weird trip to have gone from last year where I couldn’t get myself to work on anything creative for more than 6 months, to this year where I have running lists and can’t keep up with the ideas and productivity. It feels good, but also I worry about the bottom dropping out. Can I just get a steady amount of inspiration (creative ideas and motivational drive) evenly, and not feast or famine?
The rug was pulled out from under my life. My husband died at the end of April, very suddenly. Having the love of my life torn away from me just a few short hours after we said goodnight was devastating. Not being able to have a memorial was equally so.
My mother in law, whom I spoke to almost daily, was shaken by this. She died at the beginning of October.
October was a brutal month. It was thanksgiving, my husband’s birthday and what would have been our 30th anniversary. I struggled through all of that, only to suddenly have my beloved black Lab become desperately ill. I had to put him down on October 29th. Just like that, in6 months, half my family is gone.
I am now living alone. The house is too quiet. I’m dreading the holidays. 2020 has been a sh*t year. The trauma has been overwhelming. I don’t think anyone’s life is every going to be the same. Mine won’t be.
Just saw this post when I went looking for the pdf to download. I guess we should be thankful that we still have our jobs and that we have all remained healthy thus far. All these people who talk about all the extra time they have to do projects….I can only assume they are also on unemployment so I guess I’m thankful not to have that extra time. Now if I could just get my covid paycut restored…
Reading Lelainia’s comment above really puts things in perspective. Sending her prayers.