Day 12 – Little Book Pages and Nikki

I just discovered this quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marrianne Williamson

Immediately I was wrapped in it. It is EXACTLY how I feel about life. That is not to say that I don’t take my time for granted, or that I always fulfill my highest potential. But still, it’s a message that I’d love to live by for the most part. This concept was originally brought to me while seeing Maya Angelou speak. At the time, I was still dealing with the sadness brought on by multiple suicides in those near to me and her message just clicked and made so much sense to me. I wish I had a quote or recording of Angelou’s speech, but she shared the same point as above, “Who are you not to be?” Who are you not to be the best that you can be?

When things aren’t how you hoped, you haven’t done the things you want to do, aren’t at a place where you want to be, or you feel overwhelmed by the task at hand, you not only owe yourself to make it happen, you owe God and everyone around you. You are not alone and there are so many people that have invested in you and your success and you owe it to them to do the best you can. You may not be able to do it yourself, you may need help, and you may never succeed, but trying alone is overcoming stagnancy and defeat. And, by trying, you inspire those around you to be the best that they can be as well.

Finding this quote means a lot to me right now, especially because I would have loved to share it with a dear friend of mine. She was big into quotes and shared them often. She also had big desires to make the most of her time and to live BIG.

On Saturday my friend Nikki passed away from cancer. She was only 29 years old. My heart has been aching since I first discovered she had cancer over 3.5 years ago. But also, in those 3.5 years, (8ish total years that I’ve known her) we’ve made so many wonderful and rich memories together. She definitely didn’t allow the cancer to squelch her fire. She was a wonderful loyal friend, and she was an inspiration in so many ways.

My life is richer in so many ways because of her presence in it. But you don’t have to have personally known Nikki to have had her life make a difference in your own. If you can take away anything from her life, I hope you can remember that our time on this earth is limited and to make the most of today. When I was worrying for her and grieving for her lost potential, Nikki’s and my friend, Kim, shared with me that in her profession she sees people in their 80s and 90s who have regrets for not taking advantage of their time enough while they were here. So, please, lets all make more of an effort to do the amazing things we dream of while we can.

I also want to thank so many of you for following Nikki’s story, praying for her and supporting her, after I shared bits about her here on my blog. I want to share with you that she was so touched by your kindness, and told me so personally. I’m so thankful for my time with her and that I could share her story with you. I’m sure I will return to share more about her here soon.